How to find inner peace from within ourselves while we learn to honor our loved ones in heaven

Start being grateful for what you already have in love before life teaches you how to when you have lost them. So, don’t take love for granted ever!!! Be mindful, and grateful, and grow in love with appreciation and without judgment!!! Because in a blink of an eye, life can change in an instant and it can also end, but it always gets better if you progress in healing forward through love and gratitude! Be grateful daily as it leads to healthy relationships with self and others.

There are healthy ways to grieve and heal especially when we go through the grieving process. My 3rd loss especially in the passing of the love of my life just early this year on January 20th has been such a wave of mixed emotions of stillness and tragedy. Then, when my father passed away last year in August that was a very sad moment for me too, and my oldest son passing 5 years ago was the most painful process to go through like a huge hole in my heart in an instant. All three important people in my life that transitioned to the universal realm have taught me a gift of experience that I will never forget. And I will certainly pass along the lessons I have learned in managing my grieving process and progressing in healing forward. I choose to heal healthily by choosing the healthy way to grieve in love while still being aware and present with my other 3 older teenagers (as they are very important in my life too) and trustworthy friends who are very supportive of me and living life as I am.

In this blog I will compile helpful tools for those of you who are grieving the first time, or this may be your third time like me, or this could be your 4th, it doesn’t matter- you are here and let’s heal together. I know it is such a tragedy to go through this loss once again, but we need each other to support and care as this world needs more healing from caring people who know how to bring health back into our world.

For those who are also grieving the loss of their relationship with their loved ones who are still alive due to divorce, separation conflicts, or loss of a job, loss of a pet, and other many things that relate to loss and grief, I see, feel, and understand you. I too have been divorced, but still, have a good relationship with my 3 teenagers, and I have lost 5 pets too (4 dogs and a cat over time when I was living in Zambia Africa for 12 years- I have stories about my pets and how I watched them died on different situations, buried them, and one was murdered by some thieves that came in the knight that killed our other animals too like rabbits, ducks, and chickens. Long story short, it was a horrible experience).

Grief is the defining moment where we all need to pause and reflect as we go through the valley of grief. It is not something that we can just ignore and tell people who grieve to just move on. It is about recognizing the “as-is-ness” of the law nature of grief when we lose someone we truly love. It is also about learning to accept the past in peace by allowing ourselves to heal in love, and find peace in the process.

When I lost my oldest son 5 years ago, he was only 14 years old, it was the most heartbreaking moment like something was ripped off my heart without warning. My first loss was indescribable it felt like I didn’t even have a choice and the only choice I could think of was to question everything I used to believe from an inherited limiting belief system of religiosity, but I questioned it in an in-depth understanding of “what was the message in this situation” instead of me asking “why is this happening to me?”.

Then, I got my answers from the Divine within the stillness of the valley of grief. I found clarity on how to turn my loss into love, my grief into grace and gratitude, my hurt into healing, and my wounds into wisdom. But it wasn’t easy as it sounds. I was feeling the mixed emotions of grief and simultaneously found the peace within me, and understood the message deep within the valley and the two high points of grief.

This may be hard to understand to most people the concept of quantum consciousness healing from deep within. Because it is about understanding and trusting the unknown layers of truth consciousness rather than perceiving from the basic human 5 senses based on linear thinking.

When it comes to life and death patterns, it isn’t linear. It is always abstract without warning and always ever-changing motions of reality. It is hard for most of us humans to grasp the understanding of what is unseen to our capacity of not trusting what we are not willing to understand when it comes to creating and being in and at peace from deep within. Because from deep within, that’s when the journey of understanding the patterns of life and death and anything in-between consciousness. Truly, life and death aren’t just about black-and-white concepts. We forget and overlook that it is everything in-between the two polarities of life and death. So, in-between consciousness is the valley of grief, and it is called LOVE. Grief is a price of love. It is a motion of energies that moves us from the past to the future of in-between realities. But in it, it is about learning to embrace the lesson of what love feels like. And for some, they may perceived it in a different perspective and it may be the opposite of love, and that is fear. Therefore, some people grieve in fear, because they lack of understanding of the gift of love within the valley of grief. The lack of understanding is the lack of applying the essence of trust.

LOVE is the center of everything we do, who we are, the heartbeat of the beginning of life, and the breath we breathe that is keeping us alive, even when it comes to death- it brings people to gather in unity.

But then, question this: Why do people only gather together during the death of a loved one? rather than when that person is alive and living? And why do some take love for granted and wait till it is lost? Humans take life for granted so comfortably without realizing that tomorrow is not guaranteed. Humans only learn from the deepest pain and when it is strong enough, that’s when true change happens. For some, it can be a bank full of regrettable memories with the thought in mind of “I wish I could have been there for him/her”, “I wish I knew”, or “I wish… this and that…”

Hindsight 20/20, we humans, our excuse is “we choose not knowing how to trust to understand our fellow human brothers and sisters regardless of their difference in a belief system, age, life experiences, race, or status quo”. We are all humans on earth living in one big green and blue bubble on how to learn to love one another, especially in our uniqueness of differences. Being humans regardless of race, a belief system based on culture or religion and whatnot, if we could only see each other from deep within as souls, then life and death would have been seen as part of creation in peace without fear of it, but be at peace with its laws of creation.

Death is the portal to another universal realm of life and it is not the end, nor it is not a system of separation, but only a portal to another layer of quantum consciousness of being in the “being-ness” as in it is just part of the ‘laws of creation’. Death is part of life and life is part of death. And in between the link of life and death is grief. This grief is called love. And it can be twisted into fear-based perception according to one’s level of capacity to understand the laws of creation. Again it is by choice of how you see and your level of trust to understand the metaphysical consciousness of the frequency of creation of life itself.

Below is a helpful tools in how to be in the being-ness of peace when it comes to grieving and honouring our loved ones who transitioned to another realm of life.

How to be at peace without losing ourselves, but find ourselves from deep within the message of life and death: The valley of grief and this leads us to love.

~ Learn awareness and mindfulness:

This is when we choose the power of choice when it comes to healing from deep within when we go through such loss and tragedy. When we choose to acknowledge from deep within our soul’s heart, our mind will find peace to understand the unknown of what are death and loss about. We face loss or death with a heart of peace even though at that current moment we have not understood “why this and that”, but instead we are teaching our subconscious mind to stay calm and master our emotions in peace without reacting destructively and harming ourselves and others. This is when we truly cultivate emotional intelligence when we choose to activate the peace in us as our body also activates the neurobiological system called the parasympathetic nervous system. This system is what I like to call the “peace” neuro messages system that observes, in the stillness, and digests messages calmly.

However, the opposite of love is fear. The opposite of lack of awareness and not being mindful is doubtful, fight or flight mode called the sympathetic nervous system that brings out the stress cortisol hormones in our bodies. And these neurobiological messages carry negativity resulting in poor judgment and condescending. This is when we tend to make excuses not to care and lose ourselves in the grieving process without trusting to understand the process of what grief is all about. This is also based on lackness of love that leads toward blame, denial, victimhood, bargaining, or isolation with disassociation towards others, and hate or resentment. Thus, being in a state of fear is activating the sympathetic nervous system part of you that may lead you to activate unhealthy habits that turn into illness, and likely affects relationships with yourself and others. Everything in life is an act of choice with intention. So, choose mindfully with an awareness of how to will choose the choice of your thoughts in how you perceive, your choice of words in how you speak, and your choice of behavior in how you want to feel.

As you become more mindful about the choice of emotion you choose to feel for you to process what you are going through as you grieve, your understanding of your outer world versus your inner world will link into the space of in-between which I call the ‘in-between consciousness’ before it is projected into the outer world with the meaning you choose to attach to it from your inner world. Be very careful of the choice of the meaning you attach to anything your 5 senses perceived. Because most of the time, it is based on human error assumptions and generalizations that lead to inner conflict or sabotage relationships with others as well. Then, this becomes a poor judgment emphasizing through assumptions on your part for not being mindful of “what it is” versus “what you think it should be”.

~Listen to understand in order to trust what you don’t understand:

When we learn the listening to understand, especially, when we cultivate and activate from the heart-gut-brain coherence state, we develop not only a character of value but with a substance that creates the essence of peace with healthy boundaries.

The next tool is to add the essence of trust when we learn to understand something beyond our capacity to understand. Trust is such a big word with big responsibility and it is not easy to just give it away to anyone, especially just because it is your relative or best friend, or your life partner. You gotta come to the point in life where trust for anyone to earn goes two ways- you gotta earn it to receive it when you are trustworthy enough to receive that trust from anyone. When you know your worth you gotta learn to be very selective in whom you allow in your life especially when you grieve. As not everyone that gives you advice can decide for you when it comes to finding your inner peace or how you protect yourself. You are 100% responsible for your grieving and how you manage your grieving healing process either basing it on love or fear. Remember, never take grieving moment as an excuse not to live the life you are meant to live, nor miss the lesson of it all, and especially never have an entitlement attitude as if the world revolves around you that you forget how to truly live life and be around your living loved ones on earth. Never turn grief into a burden to yourself and others. But honor grief in a healthy way that you trust that you in your own way in how you grieve will embrace the love in living your very own, even tho you still do not understand the life and death and grief in the process of it all. Instead, learn to trust the process and that is enough, especially when you learn to understand how to turn your loss into love and grief into grace. Give yourself grace and permission to be gentle with yourself and others- start from there. Because out of stillness, comes softly spoken word based on love with grace and gratitude that creates inner peace as we grieve.

Listening to understand develops trust while we grieve. This also affects our relationship within ourselves. We need to know how to understand ourselves by listening how we choose intentionally by the choice of our thoughts, words we speak, the actions of behavior we choose to feel, and why we want to feel that way or this way, especially when grieving.

Always remember, give yourself the grace to trust the process in order to understand to grieve in love even tho it feels it is hard to. This is the beginning of cultivating to trust to understand in love.

~ Give yourself permission to grieve through the essence of grace:

This is the most challenging for most when we try to understand the tragedy, especially in loss and death situations. But the good news is there is the essence of grace that leads to all understanding which unleashes inner peace from deep within us.

The essence of grace in the face of death or loss is beyond understanding from the logistical point of view. Because logic has its own limiting beliefs that seperates you from trusting beyond what you are capable to be as a soul dressed in human form experiencing human experiences.

As for me, I learned over the years and experiencing losses and facing death and even my own near-death experience that I had 6 weeks to live after giving birth to my twin girls and my 2 older sons were under the age of 2, that was a defining moment for me on how I intentionally choose to give myself the grace to live and trust the process to understand. This means, I started learning to ask powerful questions on how to cultivate and unleash my power within the grace in me so that I could heal and live a life that is meaningful and purposeful, even though I felt afraid to heal forward. I still went for it trusting myself and the Divine to guide my path no matter what. Over time I learned how to trust myself and gave myself the grace to evolve, and that was me choosing to heal forward healthily. I chose to honor and respect the grieving process by understanding how to trust the process even if it was unknown to me. The more I step forward, the path gets clearer and clearer. I also use my healing method in sophrology meditation how to stay calm in peace in a situation such as loss and adversity or burnt out or stress. We all need self-care through self-love and guidance on how to understand to apply these tools in our lives daily. By that, we can turn our loss into love, hurt into healing, wounds into wisdom, and grief into grace and gratitude.

There are more tools to point out here that we could turn this article or blog into a book. Otherwise, if you have input to add as how you process in healing forward as you grieve for your loved ones in heaven, comment below and share with me and other readers on how you chose love over fear. Or how you turned your loss into love. And if any of you have any questions on how to grieve in a healthy way so that you can feel safe within yourself and others may feel safe to be with you as well, private message me to book your grieving counselling at info@gracethroughjourney.com

Remember, you don’t have to be alone as you walk through the valley of grief.

The link between the valley of grief is love. Grief is a price of love. Within it, all is a trusted process as we develop to give ourselves the grace to understand the uncertainties.

May you give yourself the grace to understand as you grieve!

-Grace Alfafara